Five Gifts For Her:
1. If I’m So Smart, Why Can’t I Lose Weight?
Weightloss book for Valentine’s Day is a classic way to piss of your wife or girlfriend. Pussy access restriction guaranteed!
Nothing spells bad taste quite as good as crochless underware. Go ahead, buy her one!
3. Sex / How to: Nina Hartley’s Guide to Better Fellatio DVD
A DVD course on giving a better head. Yeah, she’s gonna love it… NOT. But who says there’s anything wrong with letting your partner know that she is underperforming in bed and you are not happy about that?
This one is a beauty. Wolf Urine Lure is an anti-deer product. Basically, it makes deers think that there are predators in the area and stay away from your property. Have you ever been lost, trying to understand where your woman is coming from and what she wants? Give her this gift and make her wonder the same about YOU. What the fuck was he thinking anyway?
5. How to Be the Perfect Housewife
Women have been working hard, proving they are just as capable as men. They’ve been through some rough times doing just that. Show her it means nothing to you. Tell her that you know where her real place is - IN THE KITCHEN! Gimme a beer and cook me some meat, bitch.
Five Gifts For Him:
Remember all those times he said that it was the fantasy of his lifetime to get two chics in his bed? And that you really should consider talking to your girlfriend Monica about joining you two in bed? Well, it’s payback time!
Oh, this is so cruel, you almost shouldn’t do it. You give him a DVD that’s called The Vagina Monoloques. He thinks is a porn movie. But it’s just what he hatest most - another crazy feminist bitch blaming men for her fucked up life. The coolest thing is that this DVD can’t possibly fail. If he hates feminists, he’s gonna hate the DVD. But if he is a dilusional feeble-minded freak that thinks that feminism may actually be ‘a good progressive thing’, imagine how horrible he’s gonne feel about having a dick and behaving like all men do.
3. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
All men hate this book. Even gay ones! Like a said, a perfect idea for a bad Valentine’s Day gift.
Do buy him a feng shui mirror and explain how it helps for flow of positive ch’i energy. He’s gonna dump you within two weeks, but that’s what you want anyway, right?
5. Heinz Spotted Dick Pudding, 10-Ounce Can
Get some Heinz Spotted Dick Pudding and tell him it’s the best food there is. Do insist on him opening the can and tasting it right there, but don’t answer any question as two what ’spotted dick’ may be.
[Source - Madconomist.Com]
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Category: Uncategorized
February 14th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
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