Five Gifts For Her:

1. If I’m So Smart, Why Can’t I Lose Weight?

Weightloss book for Valentine’s Day is a classic way to piss of your wife or girlfriend. Pussy access restriction guaranteed!

2. Expose Crotchless Panty

Nothing spells bad taste quite as good as crochless underware. Go ahead, buy her one!

3. Sex / How to: Nina Hartley’s Guide to Better Fellatio DVD

A DVD course on giving a better head. Yeah, she’s gonna love it… NOT. But who says there’s anything wrong with letting your partner know that she is underperforming in bed and you are not happy about that?

4. Wolf Urine Lure-32 oz

This one is a beauty. Wolf Urine Lure is an anti-deer product. Basically, it makes deers think that there are predators in the area and stay away from your property. Have you ever been lost, trying to understand where your woman is coming from and what she wants? Give her this gift and make her wonder the same about YOU. What the fuck was he thinking anyway?

5. How to Be the Perfect Housewife

Women have been working hard, proving they are just as capable as men. They’ve been through some rough times doing just that. Show her it means nothing to you. Tell her that you know where her real place is - IN THE KITCHEN! Gimme a beer and cook me some meat, bitch.

Five Gifts For Him:

1. Gay Sex! The Card Game

Remember all those times he said that it was the fantasy of his lifetime to get two chics in his bed? And that you really should consider talking to your girlfriend Monica about joining you two in bed? Well, it’s payback time!

2. The Vagina Monologues

Oh, this is so cruel, you almost shouldn’t do it. You give him a DVD that’s called The Vagina Monoloques. He thinks is a porn movie. But it’s just what he hatest most - another crazy feminist bitch blaming men for her fucked up life. The coolest thing is that this DVD can’t possibly fail. If he hates feminists, he’s gonna hate the DVD. But if he is a dilusional feeble-minded freak that thinks that feminism may actually be ‘a good progressive thing’, imagine how horrible he’s gonne feel about having a dick and behaving like all men do.

3. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

All men hate this book. Even gay ones! Like a said, a perfect idea for a bad Valentine’s Day gift.

4. Feng Shui Mirror

Do buy him a feng shui mirror and explain how it helps for flow of positive ch’i energy. He’s gonna dump you within two weeks, but that’s what you want anyway, right?

5. Heinz Spotted Dick Pudding, 10-Ounce Can

Get some Heinz Spotted Dick Pudding and tell him it’s the best food there is. Do insist on him opening the can and tasting it right there, but don’t answer any question as two what ’spotted dick’ may be.

[Source - Madconomist.Com]

How To Become A Millionaire Sawing Stage Curtains

Lice Squashing For Profit

Marriage: It’s Only Going to Get Worse

Leo Buscaglia - The Politics of Love

Category: Uncategorized

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 10th, 2008 at 3:05 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

3

Comments are closed.